Self Image = personality + behavior

Posted on February 21, 2012 by ZenLilli

“The ”self-image” is the key to human personality and human behavior. Change the self image and you change the personality and the behavior.” -Maxwell Maltz

**Just a tiny tid-bit about Maxwell Maltz.  He was a plastic surgeon, and his book, Psycho-cybernetics changed my life in my twenties, it is full of human observations about behavior/self image being tied to how a person perceives how he/she looks (*as opposed to how the actually look) and it is fascinating material, still sold on amazon.com!

…and now for today’s observations!

It’s Tuesday and I’m already behind : ) so I’m going to keep this really brief: Is your personality and your behavior congruent? Do you even think about your ‘self image’ and if you do, what is it you think you’re about? WHO are you : )?

…and now, about me (thank you very much)

I think about this title equation a lot, I think it has had it’s time in the past where the personality and behavior sometimes treaded in murky waters mostly because I didn’t know what exactly I wanted, only what I did NOT want.

As I live this life, what I want becomes more clear to me though visualizing exactly what I want still feels too calculating and goal oriented and doesn’t leave me a chance to rearrange and/or change based on today’s thoughts or yesterday’s input…I like flexibility in life, a chance to bend like bamboo in the wind of life circumstances, change my scene if necessary and/or my dealings with the people in it…

…and now, its all about you (and you thought I’d never get to that)

How about you? Do you prefer solid goals or flexibility and do you think the two must be mutually exclusive? Now that I’ve asked you that I see for me, flexibly speaking : ) what I do is: I hold a visceral picture of my ‘end game goal’ and keep how I arrive there (and the actual ‘there’) somewhat ethereal, as in – not caring how the events happen that get me there just…let’s be open and watch the process…and then, adjust if I don’t like the outcome I see coming.

…and back to me (hey, it is my blog : )

It keeps my personal decision making in line with who I perceive my self image to be, and I can be very Zen about both, my ‘personality’ and my ‘self image’, which is not to say that I don’t get angry or experience any other emotion, sometimes – emotionally – I just live it and sometimes – emotionally – I just watch my behavior as an observer while indulging. Neither is ‘correct’ I just wanted to mention that because there is always someone who believes that the Zen in the Lill should or could dictate my every movement : ) I am a human and we humans are fault laden by design (aren’t we?).

…and now, my burning question for you!

How do you think your ‘self image’ and/or your real/imagined/perceived version of your outward ‘looks’ play into how you represent yourself in personality and behavior? I’m only asking because some people are more ‘attached’ to their looks than others, i.e. some allow their looks to define them, and some are defined by how the perceive themselves internally. (It’s an Emo/Phys thing and I’ll explain that another time!)

Luv and Pax, Zen Lill

And…remember that anything written here is solely my property, copyrighted and all that : ) I write this bc X asked if she/he could ‘reprint’ my article on quinoa, you may not copy/paste, you may link whatever article you like to your site. Thank you for asking.

Comment are welcome below…and follow me @ZenLill 

 …and if this information helped you in any way, and you are inclined to give to the source of that value, thank you in advance because really, I live to be, do and…serve you.   

Luv and Pax, Zen Lill

Posted in Body image, Chronic back pain, KLASS VAKI, Mind/Body/Spirit, Self Love, Sleep/rest, Zen Living | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

positive motivation vs negative motivation

Posted on February 15, 2012 by ZenLilli

…I read a review on a book ‘The 4 Hour Workweek’ by Tim Ferriss, and while I plan to reread the review and create a few posts here at his expense because I like to debate anything and everything : ) I must say that I do take issue with one of his claims – feel free to agree/disagree and click to comment below.

(my disclaimer: I could add that humans are designed to move away from ‘pain’ and they are also designed to move towards ‘pleasure’ though, hmmm,  the whole pain/pleasure thing would lead me to a whole new place and several blog posts, we’ll do that another time, ok?)

…so I’ll start here my ‘debate’ here, Mr. Ferriss’s words below…

“For example, our society focuses on positive psychology too much, in my opinion. The fact is that negative prompts are extremely useful. Magnifying the pain your problem causes you can be a great motivator. To see how, let’s suppose that you are trying to lose weight. You could constantly think about other people who already have great physiques. But what if, instead, you make your current state extremely visible — take a picture of yourself in a bathing suit with plain lighting and your hands on your head so that your fat hangs out in all its glory — and place it where this painful sight of yourself is an unavoidable and regular occurrence?
This actually tends to work better.”

Ok, now here’s my deal, the great ZenLilli debater COULD speak to both sides of this argument but I’m just going to give air time to my view in as few words as possible.

IF I were 30 pounds overweight (I’m not now, but was overweight in adolescence and know that of which I speak re: weight and weight loss) I would be more motivated by a picture of how I’d realistically like to look in a bathing suit posted right up on the fridge, near the top of that handle at eye level - see the motivation?

What is the motivation in that?

It is this motivator: IF you want to look like this (Picture of model in bathing suit) then why are you fishing around in here (fridge) right now?

And you could follow up this self repartee’ with questions like – Is it dinner time or are you scrounging for a snack you don’t need? Am I really hungry or feeding an emotional need? & if it’s an emotional need I’m feeding, exactly what is that need and is there another effective way to fulfill it? More humane in its approach and motivation, yes?

Let’s try the opposite motivator:

Let’s say you post a picture of yourself with a lot of extra weight on, in a bathing suit. Ok, you could get motivated to lose weight, or if you’re a woman – it might send you down a self loathing path by carefully scrutinizing exactly what’s ‘wrong’ with yourself in the picture. Women have a hard enough time living up to the standards set by the media and I’ve met some perfect 10′s who don’t think they’re that hot bc of the internally set high expectations.

* and I’m thinking finding your old size (0-2-4-6) jeans and wishing to fit into them ONE MORE TIME is not a good motivator either ; ) that was then and this is now, and that is especially true if you have had children in between, bodies change after that all natural trauma and rightfully so! 

So, I’ll  say it – just find a way to motivate yourself and get to it! 

COMING SOON – I will be offering life coaching sessions and hypnotherapy on my site soon, in person or skype sessions, very cool. So, is you’re in he midst of your own weight management, you may want/need an outside source for assistance and/or motivation, and that will soon be just one more function my being will supply you with, on an ‘as needed’ or regular basis. I’m very excited and I will keep you posted on that event!

…& since this is my site and I plan to serve you and not sell any product but my two cents on all things mind, body & spirit I have added a donation button because I see nothing wrong with donating a few dollars to someone when they’ve been of service to me, I do it on a few blogs myself when I received a tid-bit of info I found very helpful in some way…so if you are so inclined, I am humbly grateful (and no, I’m not broke and begging : )

…enjoy the day, keep your eye out for everyday miracles.

Pax, Zen Lill

 …thank you in advance because really, I live to be, do and…serve you.

Posted in Body image, Chronic back pain, Exercise, KLASS VAKI, Mind/Body/Spirit, Uncategorized, Zen Living | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Things work out or they don’t…

Posted on February 14, 2012 by ZenLilli


I read an article a while back about regret/denial and it stated two things I agree with to a great degree: 1. not everything you set out to do works out (and for a variety of reasons, but see #2) and 2. it’s likely it was your fault  (this made me laugh because this would definitely depend on how willing and open someone is to honest self examination and that’s not many people. It’s so much easier to just pass the buck in the blame arena, isn’t it? Or just overlook obvious signs, and yes, we have all done this).

Now, that information could be taken in a harsh way or you could just realize that sometimes the 2 (see above) don’t occur together.

In one scenario, some ‘thing’ didn’t work out and you ARE at fault, hmmm, see how harsh a reality that is? Although, once faced, you could change things next time around.

And in the other scenario, ‘things’ didn’t work out and there was just too much stacked up against it to make it ‘work out’.

…and in yet another scenario (because life isn’t always black and white) maybe things work out perfectly and yet you feel like you didn’t even play a hand in it at all, it feels like pure luck (and in this situation, you must’ve done something right).

I’m sure you can think of many more scenarios of this kind but I thought the premise interesting, so next time something does not work out, face it, you may have been at fault, figure out HOW you may have been at fault and seek ways to do ‘things’ differently next time around…

Luv and Pax, Zen Lill

Posted in Back pain relief, back pain testimonials, Chronic back pain, get back pain relief, KLASS VAKI, Mind/Body/Spirit, Sciatica, Scoliosis relief, Self Love, Sleep/rest, Uncategorized, Zen Living, Zen Love | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

3 tasty ways to eat Quinoa!

Posted on February 13, 2012 by ZenLilli

What is quinoa?

Quinoa is a grain that is also a whole protein, since it contains all eight essential amino acids. It also provides fiber, iron, magnesium, calcium and Vitey’s A and E. Pretty cool…and it’s inexpensive.

How do I prepare it?

1 cup quinoa to 2 cups water, easy peasy, put both in a pan, bring to a boil, simmer for 5 minutes, let it cool for 5 minutes and voila’ – QUINOA!

The 3 ‘ways of the quinoa’ are?

As a breakfast cereal, just take the recipe above and scoop some in a bowl, add a little (soy, almond, or regular 2%) milk, honey, raisins/dried cranberries, banana, cinnamon, in other words, treat it like oatmeal : ) when I’m burned out eating this way, I add a few tablespoons of the original cooked recipe (I keep a few cups of it cooked stored in the fridge usually) to my favorite Swiss Muesli Lite (from Whole Foods) and I add some nuts, too, a small handful of crushed walnuts or cashews. Very tasty….

I blend quinoa into my pesto sauce, and use over pasta, that way even if I’m ingesting ‘white’ carbs the whole ‘metabolizing as sugar’ thing is mitigated somewhat by the protein factor in the quinoa (or use whoole wheat or rice pasta). Tasty, in fact, I’ve blended quinoa (and often, tofu, as well) into my marinara sauce.

The third way, well – I just heap a half cup into one of my novelty salads and eat as usual and you will learn to do it, too. I’ll give you my ‘Christmas’ red/green salad recipe. Rip 2 cups of spinach into a bowl, cut up strawberries, red pepper chunks and cherry tomatoes, cut in half, into that same bowl. Sprinkle liberally with first cold pressed olive oil (or use half flax seed oil, very tasty and full of omega 3′s) and Bragg’s amino acids and then sprinkle that half cup of quinoa all over it, you can serve that part up warm or cold. It’s an  awesome salad…

Next up? Your exercise for today!

Skip modern amenities (like your car) and power walk to the grocery store to buy 2 veggies. (And I hope your buying organic)  I know it’s pricey produce but it’s soooo much better for you. I don’t even want to get into the nuts and bolts of commercially grown anything with you yet so can we just say, go organic, when you can? Farmer’s market stalls often do not spray and this is a cool alternative choice for produce shopping as well.

Back to that power walk exercise, so 25-30 minutes (pretending you have $1000 bill tucked between your cheekies, and try kicking up your walking mojo every 2 minutes for at least 30 second intervals. Add a stretch when you return, just stand inside your door and put the bags on the counter and put your feet shoulder width apart and shoot your fingertips for the ceiling. feel that stretch up both sides and if you’re doing it fully, you’ll be feeling it right up along your legs, bum is held tight (still), and your sides and length of arms will feel – well, alive.

Shoot some energy out your fingertips and send out a private positive intention to someone you know.  It isn’t ALL about you, you know : ) though you can, at any time, always repeat that ‘I love you’ to yourself – see that ‘I love you’ exercise by clicking here!

Social media rules…

…and yes, you must still enter a fake or real email address to comment, sorry for the inconvience – though is it really? If I were you, I’d just make up a funny name everytime I wanted to comment : ) you can also reach me on twitter so tweet me if you want @ZenLill!  Or if you’re the private type zenlilliquestions@aol.com works also.

Pax, Zen Lill


Posted in Healthy Eating, Recipes, Self Love, Weight Loss | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Got formidable, woman?

Posted on February 5, 2012 by ZenLilli

What’s ‘formidable’ mean exactly?

Actually, there are 3 definitions @ freedictionary.com but here’s the one that I was looking for : ) bc it is exactly what I wanted to write about: Formidable – inspiring awe, admiration, or wonder. Wow.

The main thing you must do as a female issss, drum roll please, stand up for and stand by your fellow females. I know, sometimes this is hard to do…women will often get competitive when comraderie is what is called for,  by the way, men are competitive with each other also, they just play it different and a man will always get another man’s back, always. A woman…well, I hate to report this, but…not so much, sometimes women do downright mean things to other women (and usually over a ___, it’s so pathetic I can’t even say it, mostly bc I’ve never done it and I abhor that behavior).

How’s all that relate to being formidable?

In reality, as a female – your thoughts, your word and your actions must speak to inspiring awe, admiration and leave people wondering – how does she do it? I can only tell you that it’s hard work to be self contained and yet open and compassionate with others that may or may not be on your side.

Who is YOUR ‘inward’ formidable woman?

In other words, how’s your self esteem? : ) i.e. your personal evaluation of your own worth. Are you rating yourself right up there as #1, and allowing others close to you a very worthy 2 rating? Are you expressing love to yourself or are you giving it away too much to those both worthy and unworthy?  Are you being gentle with yourself when you screw up?  …if you’re not, you are probably gentle with others when they do, that’s just how that self-loathing thing seeps in…you let them off the hook easily while holding yourself to a much higher standard. Not fair.to.you.)

I should be formidable by acting like a BITCH?

Yes, as defined in the following two ways, this first is very commonly found on the internet and that is: Babe In Total Control of Herself, and I love that definition.

My personal favorite: Beautiful Intelligent Talented Creative Honest. Perfect, isn’t it? I would get into defining all of those but they’re pretty self evident, but let’s chat about the honesty one for a moment - tiny trivial lies are OK i.e. ‘mom, I’ve got a call on the other line, I’ll call you right back’, though lying outright (think of your own example, you know you’ve told one at someone else’s expense, own it) and lies by ommission (if I don’t say anything, it didn’t happen/isn’t so/blahblah, nice try: wrong) are just not cool.at.all. If you do it, you must take the fall out that goes with it (bc you deserve it : ) again, just own it…(and it has happened to the best of us, sigh).

Now you know how to be formidable and how not to be formidable. It’s your call…

Ok, I’m choosing formidable so I better go work on something inspirational for someone tomorrow. Maybe they’ll even admire me for it, but if they don’t – it’s OK – I admire myself. I really am my own best friend. I know I always have my own back. It’s really nice when someone else does but no one can replace you loving you. And look, I am so perfectly imperfect that I have days when I want to board a plane and not look back, but I simply mutter: this, too, shall pass…

My wish for you all today is to feel inspired (and go inspire someone else) and that you feel admired and then – take a pause to surrender to the wonder of life (and then leave em’ all wondering ; )

You know how much I love hearing your comments so click and write and social media me here or follow me @ZenLill

Luv, Zen Lill  


Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

…the ‘inch to mile’ theory of life

Posted on January 30, 2012 by ZenLilli

You’ve heard the saying give em’ an inch and they take a mile? (oh yes)

Oh, before I launch into my post here, if you are looking for info on Klass Vaki KBS2000 body support system I have moved it to my new site www.backpaindotgone.com, click through!

Ok, so what do you do about those who constantly push you with incessant and seemingly innocuous demands? Well, if you can possibily run for the hills, I would say: DO IT. On a kinder note, try to realize that people do not arrive in this place of demanding-ness unescorted, they’ve had accomplices and most likely the behavior was established in early childhood.

So, as good as running for the hills sounds : ) you probably have direct and regular contact with this person, and you really have to admire life’s sense of humor in this regard. Always, always we are given the opportunity to grow through our interactions with others. Yes, even with people who ask for inches and miles.constantly.

You know, I could launch into a whole ‘good boundaries’ monologue here but I’m not going to. I am going to tell you what could work for you, innerwardly and outwardly. SIDE BAR NOTE here: you might just be dealing with a classic narcissist, if so – definitely: run! Don’t worry, they won’t even notice, they’re too wrapped up in themselves, and they’ll be busy finding someone else to take your place. They will, however, call to tell you THEY are in pain, showing absolutely no concern for YOUR pain, stop calling to check in on them, just keep running…), enough said about narcissists, yes?

Innerwardly and outwardly? Are those real words?

Yes, they are now, I coined them (thank you very much), ah but then again I thought I’d coined ‘coolio’ and ‘dealio’ until just recently. Inwardly, you must be prepared for the onslaught of unreasonable requests and it always amazes me what people are perfectly comfortable asking for (I call it ’passive demanding’) but just notice the look on someone’s face when they launch into the ‘I’d like an inch’ and then when they rachet it up to the ‘give me a yard’ - they usually are unaware that they’ve stepped it up…and your reaction is crucial at this juncture.

You must use the broken record technique…

Answer their request the same every time ‘I would love to help you but I cannot this week’ or something similar, say it no matter how the question gets reinvented. I’ll give you an example of it’s usage…

…and it goes like this: let’s say the request is ‘can I borrow your car today?’ (an inch, and a reasonable request) you say ‘OK’ and the next day it goes to ‘I need to borrow your car this week’ (ah, see how it changed from a request/question to a passive demand?) this is so important bc it can be percieved as a request/question depending on tone/inflection of their voice. Manipulators (and those infamous narcissists) know this so they use the old ‘end on a high note’ voice technique, so it ‘sounds’ like a question. It’s not. It’s a passive demand and their entree’ to the “MILE” club, and then: be very careful…(do you see how the ‘broken record’ answer can come in handy now?)

Oh, so when does a inch or yard change to a ‘mile’ habit???

When you hear  ’I need to borrow your car this week’ and you answer nervously ‘yes, um, OK’ instead of asking them more questions based on this type of request (in other words, stop them in their tracks and get details). A classic ‘mile club’ marker is the transference of power that you hand over when you say yes to every request or simply don’t ask questions, you merely comply bc you want to please them (and you want to ask yourself what that much pleasing THEM is about). You are done for when you do this bc people will always – always ask for more, everyone does to a greater/lesser degree, it is part of the human condition (though for the ‘MILE’ clubbers it’s a way of life, an extreme sport, if you will).

How do you fix a human condition? And, what’s more more more look like?

The bad news: You don’t fix it. The somewhat better news: We are all afflicted with almost every human syndrome (to a greater or lesser degree), it’s how you handle your ‘issues’ that matter.  More-more-more looks (and feels) like your personal energy is leaving the room, then even more energy gets sucked out of your body and then any residual energy of yours starts just flying straight out the window on an apparent non-stop flight. It’s a trained behavior by that time.

I’m suggesting to you not to allow this behavior to occur in the first place. It’s risky business to ask for details though if that person hears your question and answers them, you have hope, if they answer hotly (or gives an answer to a question you didn’t ask) and get badly bent out of shape that you asked legit (and fairly innocous q’s) to begin with, there’s your red flag (hello, can you say…goin’ down a bad road soon…).

***Side note: If you are dealing with a family member, you may have to allow them to be greeted by your voicemail while you train yourself to ask for more details and formulate a lifelong strategy that works for you and is compassionate to them.

And I’ll say this about ‘bad roading’ it: sometimes we indulge it bc we’re bored and need adventure or we don’t see anything/anyone better on the horizon. Yes, ok, then indulge it for awhile (it can be fun for a minute) and then get ready to let it go…

How do I just let them go? Release the ‘bad road’ (person) like a helium balloon into the air, release with no hostility, instead do it with love – knowing that there’s something/someone out there that brings out the best in you MOST of the time (we all know our faults, no help needed). Do this for yourself and do it for them. Don’t look back, don’t check in on their FaceBook page or wait for a tweet/text or place yourself at a venue you know they frequent, just – stop.everything. and love yourself, and focus on the new chapter you’re about to go live and then – go live it!

so social media me bc it still rocks, follow me on twitter @ZenLill if’n you want to also. Click on comments and have your say.

Mark, thanks, glad I can be of service to you. And, If you have a suggestion on how I can improve this site/content further, please do tell! CL, ya still readin’ babe?

…and that’s a wrap, people!

Pax & Luv, Zen Lill

Posted in Mind/Body/Spirit, Self Love, Uncategorized, Women's Issues!, Zen Living, Zen Love | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

How does your life ‘shoe’ fit?

Posted on January 26, 2012 by ZenLilli

The shoe that fits one person pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all cases - Carl Jung

If the shoe fits, wear it – proverb

So, what’s up with all the shoe references?

Oh, I don’t know, but I did think it was funny when I was looking at some info on Carl Jung for a post I was going to write on ‘synchronicity’ which I will get to…I’m going with the flow bc that ‘synchronicity shoe’ just didn’t fit today : )

I’m going to let the shoe thing go for now bc I really want to comment on the ‘there is no recipe for living that suits all cases’ I think that’s profound bc how often do we hear others dissecting what others do, ‘why would she/he/you do that?’ and the truth just might be that that persons life recipe just has different ingredients than yours.

Sure, you can comment and call them a pain, jerk, vain, arrogant, etc…but really, they just might have a recipe going on that doesn’t jive with your ingredients. Maybe you require external amenities to feel loved, maybe you require things that no amount of money could ever buy. Tangibles – Intangibles, yes, very different life recipe ingredients indeed. Maybe a mix of both is more practical or maybe that’s just another ‘recipe’ : )?

My question: How many life recipe ingredients need to be the same to get along with another? (or just not judge, at least?)

Hmm, I switched from ‘shoes’ to ‘recipes and ingredients’ hahaha…I like cooking just as much as I like shoes and there’s my explanation. : )

My own answer to my own question?

The amount of ingredients that need to be the same is probably as varied as the types of people on there are on the planet…and I thought of that right on the fly : ) it’s a pretty good answer though – no?

I’m going to go whip up some food now bc all this talk about recipes and ingredients has got me needing a feed!

Luv, Zen Lill

Posted in Blogging, Mind/Body/Spirit, Recipes, Self Love, Uncategorized, Zen Living, Zen Love | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Art for your soul – a poem by Pablo Neruda

Posted on January 21, 2012 by ZenLilli

Art in any form is soul nourishing

On this lazy Sunday morning I’m choosing to share my favorite love poem with all of you. I hear it’s very beautiful recited in its native language – Spanish.

You know, I read a review of this poem once that stated that it was a rude way to love someone, at the time I thought that was funny…though now I understand why someone might take offense at being forgotten.

Do we truly just ‘forget’ someone?

Well, I would say yes IF there wasn’t really love of the person going on there but just love of being in love (which happens more frequently than you think)…I’d love to hear your opinion on that and on this poems ‘rudeness’

If You Forget Me – Pablo Neruda

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

SUNDAY and the week in a nutshell : ) maybe it’s time to just stop and read a poem or read my favorite poem or  read one of your own favorite poems or just appreciate some form of beauty: whether it’s poetry, art, architecture, design or music, or walking out in nature – it’s important to take in some beauty regularly.

Enjoy…

Luv & Pax, Zen Lill

PS - Speaking of social media (and commenting here). Yes, it’s been tested - a fake email address works as well as a real one ; ) so if you want your anonimity – click on comment: enter your moniker – then enter your email i.e. daffyduck@goofy.com if you want or get creative on your own!

Posted in Healthy Eating, Poetry for the soul, Recipes, Self Love, Uncategorized, Weight Loss | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Mindfulness of interaction and a few words on other subjects…

Posted on January 19, 2012 by ZenLilli

What are YOU teaching people about how you like to be treated right now? 

It’s an interesting thing, in every moment you are a teacher, you show people exactly how you will be treated by them, you literally project it vibrationally and others grab that bit of your ‘essence’ out of the immediate atmosphere ether…and voila’ – they respond.

Let’s say, you behave in a manner that shows respect for yourself, then you will get respect…or hmm, will you? Most often, you will – though, if you do not, your own self respect will only allow you to engage slightly (if you MUST engage) or if there is no NEED or MUST involved, you will disengage quickly, quietly and decisively.

It’s simple really…when you have self respect.

It is blurry boundary territory when you do not possess self respect bc that blurred sense of self tell others (with a full green light), that they can proceed however they want to, and you will still engage with them.

I’m a firm believer in allowing for human mistakes, everyone makes mistakes and has errors in judgment occasionally, though I gauge carefully how that redefines my own boundaries for further interaction. I do not beat people up about a little bit of  ’bad behavior’ as long as they’re clear about my distaste for the underpinnings of the dispute/argument/transgression and there’s an understanding as we move forward.

Otherwise, if they don’t understand their own behavioral mishap, I will gradually and eventually move away, it’s inevitable…because if one is not willing to explore their own motives and behavior patterns then I just become another part of their pattern and as much as I enjoy a good ritual, hmm, I detest bad ones : ) call it self protection, call it whatever you like…but, why ‘put up with’ anything, bad behavior included?

‘Putting up with’ implies dislike for a characteristic, a behavior, a function, and if you are not ‘into’ working with it and allowing change to occur and often it does, sometimes people are just oblivious to their behavior patterns because it always worked – before. Let me translate that part for you: i.e. other people ‘put up with’ IT (-you name the behavior-). If that’s the case, then it’s best to leave it, the situation and/or the person. People tend to do their best ‘changing’ when they are accepted as is first though.

Just remember this: it’s for you to judge if the situation and/or the presence of a particular person in your life is of value TO YOU.

OK, but, what if you must interact with a disrespectful party? And what do you do if they, the disrespectful party, doesn’t show respect in response to you? There’s no one right answer though I can think of a few methods one could employ to bring things around…

#1 Ask them to ‘behave’!

I know this is hard to believe, but sometimes, you must ask the offending party to ante up. It could be a simple statement, ‘I’ll come back when it’s a better time for you to talk’ and stall all further disrespectful responses by repeating this statement ‘broken record’ style until they engage in a more respectful fashion. This allows them to change their ‘state’ without you judging their prior ‘state’ – they may have just had a harsh interaction with a loved one and it’s just spill over (at you, do not allow this…it tends to escalate).

There are many ways you can assist another person in changing their state…as long as you did not allow them to rock YOUR state with their behavior to begin with, and yes, reread that, bc that was sooo important.

#2 assist them in noticing their ‘state’

Your ‘state’ and theirs’ – it’s out there in the ‘air’ (I like to say ‘ether’ it sounds more ethereal) and a running non-verbal interaction rally comes with every encounter. There’s no need to ‘control’ with your words/actions, just notice that a lesson is being taught, to each other, moment after moment…life is cool like that.

Because it is part of the human condition, we cannot truly be sure how we will handle each minutes’ interactions, with anyone really and disrespectful types truly wing it in this regard. So, we can react genuinely in the moment and speak from the heart while making our point (about the disrespectful attitude, for instance) or just maintain (or return) to a calm state within yourself and understand that the other party may or may not care about your state at all, so it’s all you caring about YOU, baby.

I could name other ways to handle the situation but this is your time to reflect on my 2 suggestions. I would probably choose the ‘in the moment’ option myself though maybe that day I would just choose to overlook the behavior entirely (nah) : ) who knows…?

And now, 2 words on exercise – power walk!

And you thought I was going to say – ‘do it’ – am I right? Hahaha…no, power walking is your starter kit to moving that body, so go out and take a 20 minute walk, warm up at your usual walking pace for 2 minutes (not like a snail) and then kick it up so you feel your heart working…this is geared to people who haven’t been working out, feel the need to lose some (we won’t talk numbers).

By the way, 20 minutes makes for a great walking meditation, too, take notice of thoughts (as patterns) as your fast walking, which ones feel like they’re playing in a loop cycle, you don’t need to do anything about it, just notice it…and just notice that you are squeezing an imaginary $1000 bill in your bum cheeks while noticing your breathing and your thoughts, that’s a lot to ‘just notice’ but you don’t want to lose that Gnote, now do you?

2 words on sleep: eight hours - More on this topic another time : ) or go to www.backpaindotgone.com right now and get more on this topic RIGHT NOW! Click on all the tabs till you find the information you need!

Social Media does rule!

I’m being followed on Twitter, tweeting over to FaceBook and I’m ready to rock youtube, digg, reddit, and most importantly – I want to rock you. How’m I doin’ so far? For you private types, e me at Lmdevin@att.net or post a comment here (what a novel concept!)

Pax,  Zen Lill

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Your body and Your sleep!

Posted on January 14, 2012 by ZenLilli

www.backpaindotgone.com <<<<Click there to ‘get it’ and that would be a Klass Vaki(please read the KV info and watch the KV videos, this is one well researched and executed product. Need further ‘proof’ – read the KV testimonials page as well as the one below this post, and read our KV FAQ’spage).

So, why DO I spend so much time on the ‘pain free’ and ‘sleep’ aspects of the BODY?

Well, I was going to answer this another way and then last night I slept without a Klass Vaki for the first time in over a year and I am feeling downright ornery, the conventional flat surface, my brand new Sealy posture-pedic and I were not ‘at one’ – I’m glad I did try to sleep without my Klass Vaki though (reluctantly, I lent it to my daughter’s friend to sleep on) because now I know with true certainty that sleeping on a Klass Vaki is the only way to live…so, come with me if you want to live ; ) Click >>>www.backpaindotgone.com

Eliminating pain is important for your psyche!

Because when you’re in pain, it simply overrides any joyful feelings in life, it overrides and can overtake your ability to focus mentally (or it can impair your observations) and it overrides any flights of spirit because you’re usually praying to someone (or a diety) for a respite in that cycle of body pain that just doesn’t allow you to relax and get the sleep you need for your body to heal naturally.

Do you see how important taking care of your body is? So, eat good organic foods, and move your body/exercise 5x’s a week, pick a way that pleases you (yoga, pilates, weights…) and just do it! Then, sleep and take rests on your Klass Vaki to assist in muscle relaxation/repair after workouts) and think positive thoughts about your life…!

…It’s a holiday weekend, lots of birthdays to celebrate, so I will be back with more on mind/body/spirit connection, more about your fascinating subconscious and more about hypnotherapy, too! 

Pax, Zen Lill

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment